


Patterns Of A Monster

by ScarletCake



Series: Adoration [2]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Almost Confessions, Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Blushing, Coffee, Comfort, Confusion, Dates, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, First Meetings, Flavored Lube, Flirting, Fluff, Genderfluid Izaya, Kittens, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Rimming, Sexual Content, Sleeping Together, Soft Kisses, Strength Kink, Teasing, Texting, Thunderstorms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-06-10 06:32:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6943648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScarletCake/pseuds/ScarletCake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Shizuo does things that Izaya doesn't understand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Comfortable

It’s four in the morning by the time he returns to the apartment, exhausted and in need of a shower to wash off the reek of the city. There are no lights on, but he hadn’t expected any different because it’s too late for any normal person to be awake. 

Izaya slips out of his shoes beside the wall and takes his coat off, leaving all of his cell phones in the pockets except for the one his important clients usually contact him on. There is a note on the kitchen counter that tells him there is food in the fridge for him if he’s hungry, but he isn’t so he ignores that part and skims over the rest to make sure there isn’t anything he needs to do before heading upstairs. 

The apartment is incredibly quiet and he isn’t used to that. Normally the television is on or he can hear typing on a phone or keyboard, periodic deep breaths, shuffling,  _ something  _ other than the barely present sounds of the city far below. It would be unnerving if it weren’t so early in the morning. The sun will be up soon and he has to meet up with Shiki just after ten so he flips off the only light he turned on and makes his way up the stairs to the bedroom. 

He opens the door as quietly as he can and peers inside at the bed, taking in the sight of Shizuo sprawled out and half uncovered by the blankets. There is just enough light coming in from the space between the curtains that he can make out the details of his body, the relaxed expression on his face and the gentle but protective way he is hugging Izaya’s pillow. 

Shizuo is so overwhelmingly glorious even when asleep that Izaya struggles to breathe around the intensity of how he feels just from looking at him. Completely ignoring the urge to let Shizuo sleep because he looks relaxed and peaceful, he closes the door harder than is necessary and stalks over to the bed, fully intending to try to yank the blankets completely off of the beast. Shizuo grumbles and rolls onto his back and Izaya pauses when amber eyes shoot open and blink lazily over at him. He doesn’t seem to recognize what he’s seeing because he doesn’t say anything and his eyes fall shut again. 

Annoyance clouds his mind and he finds himself leaning in over Shizuo, “Wake up Shizu-chan.” He doesn’t really  _ need  _ to wake him up, but he can’t ever resist the urge to annoy him. When all he receives is a growl and a faint frown at being disturbed he laughs in a way that he knows always catches Shizuo’s attention, “I don’t understand growls, you know. As difficult as it must be for you, you’re going to have to use actual words.” 

He doesn’t get a warning growl or even see the hand that grabs him until he’s already being pulled into bed and wrapped in strong, warm arms. “Missed you, ‘zaya.” Shizuo murmurs against his hair, voice heavy with sleep. “...time is it?” 

“After four, last I checked.” Izaya announces, not dropping his voice lower than its normal volume and feeling Shizuo’s arms tense around him in response. “You didn’t wait for me.” 

Shizuo sighs, but Izaya can’t look at his face to see if it’s out of annoyance. He can hear the steady beating of Shizuo’s heart in his chest and he narrows his eyes at how slow it is. “I did. You just took too long and I fell asleep.” Shizuo inhales deeply and Izaya can feel the frown against the top of his head, “You smell weird.” 

“That would be because I haven’t taken a shower yet and I’ve been out all day.” Izaya tries to snap at him, but his voice is muffled in Shizuo’s shirt and the tone doesn’t carry. 

Shizuo’s arms loosen and Izaya glances up to meet his eyes. When Shizuo starts to pull him closer into what Izaya knows will be a kiss, he scrunches up his nose in false disgust, “You have morning breath. I’m not kissing you.” 

Shizuo rolls his eyes and kisses his forehead anyway. Izaya ignores the happiness and warmth that flows through him at the gesture and pushes against Shizuo’s chest, “I need a shower. Let me get up so I can do that.” 

Shizuo frowns, “You need to sleep.” 

“I will sleep, but I need to shower first.” Izaya raises an eyebrow when Shizuo doesn’t release him, “Didn’t you just say that I smell weird?” 

Shizuo shrugs, “You won’t smell weird if you stay here and sleep with me.” 

“What kind of logic are you using? I’m still going to have the same clothes on. At least let me change those.” 

Shizuo’s eyebrows furrow and then he’s sitting up to tug his shirt off. Izaya stares at him in confusion when he holds out the material, “What am I meant to do with this?” 

“Put it on and go to sleep.” Shizuo states calmly. Because that’s obviously the most logical thing in the world. 

Izaya sighs and sits up so he can take his own shirt off and replace it with Shizuo’s. He crosses his arms over his chest and pouts when Shizuo yawns, “This doesn’t help at all. Now I just smell like monster sweat.” 

Shizuo looks blankly at him for a few seconds and then pushes him back into the pillows and starts yanking his pants off. “What are you doing?” Izaya protests, though he doesn’t move to prevent Shizuo from completing his task, “I thought you said you were tired.” 

Shizuo rolls his eyes and Izaya watches his pants disappear over the edge of the bed. His gaze slides back to meet with Shizuo’s, the warm gold he sees there freezing any further taunts that were trying to work their way off his tongue. “I am.” is all Shizuo says as he drapes an arm across Izaya’s waist and nuzzles his neck. 

Izaya remains silent for a few moments and then turns his head in an attempt to prevent Shizuo from falling asleep. “This isn’t comfortable.” He whines, though he lowers his voice involuntarily when he sees that Shizuo is looking at him. 

“You don’t sleep enough.” Shizuo murmurs, “I was worried about you.”

“You knew where I was and if you hadn’t fallen asleep you would’ve seen that I’d texted you at least twice.” Izaya scoffs. 

“It’s four in the morning, ‘zaya. You’re never out this late.” Izaya is about to argue that he is, in fact, but he’s stopped by the soothing motion of Shizuo’s fingers in his hair and the warmth of his body and the soft rumble of his voice. “I’m glad you aren’t hurt.” 

Izaya smiles, his expression tilted only slightly into sarcasm, “Of course I’m fine. What did you think was going to happen?” 

Shizuo’s lips twitch into a faint smirk, “Do you really need to be reminded of some of the things that have happened already?” 

“No.” Izaya states flatly, “I know very well what could happen and that’s why I’m so careful. This wasn’t dangerous. I had Celty with me.” 

Shizuo laughs softly, “Only because she demanded that you bring her.” 

“Who am I to turn down an unnecessary bodyguard when they need the money?” Izaya shrugs and snuggles closer to Shizuo in complete disregard for his own comment about being uncomfortable a few minutes before, “And besides, Celty is really fun to talk to about you.” 

He hears a startled inhale and then feels the words choke themselves off in Shizuo’s throat when he presses his lips against him, “I’m joking. Celty and I have more things to talk about than the way you get dressed in the morning.” 

Shizuo is quiet for a few moments, but Izaya can feel his pulse still rapidly beating under his lips. “Like what?” Shizuo asks quietly, almost like he’s afraid of the answer he’ll receive. 

Izaya huffs a laugh, “Birthday presents. But that’s a secret.” 

Shizuo’s fingers stop their motion through his hair, “Oh.” 

“I’m tired now, Shizu-chan.” Izaya yawns, “You should let me sleep instead of talking my ears off.” 

As much as he likes to complain and tease, Izaya falls asleep almost before he can feel Shizuo kiss his forehead and mumble something that makes him smile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is in the same universe as Things About Izaya and each chapter is going to be in Izaya's pov. This is the first time I've ever tried to write as him so I'm very sorry if it isn't fantastic. Please let me know what you think of it.


	2. Surprise

How Shizuo always manages to do something he doesn’t expect, Izaya doesn’t know. But this particular time it’s both pleasant and absolutely unacceptable at the same time. Izaya was resigned to Shizuo hating him with everything he has. Yet, despite clearly stating exactly that many times already, he’d proceeded to call Izaya  _ pretty _ .

Of all the things he could have said, it had to be that? That is exactly the opposite of the words that Izaya was expecting to come out of his mouth. So much the opposite that he hadn’t known how to react to it for several moments. Even now he can feel heat clinging to his cheeks.

He has absolutely no idea how to deal with this. His worst enemy has just suddenly complimented his appearance. He can deal with declarations of hatred and insults because those are what he receives all the time by anyone worth his time, but compliments have never been genuine or given without something expected in return. Be it feelings or physical possessions.

But  _ Shizuo  _ is the most stupidly honest individual Izaya has ever had the unfortunate pleasure to meet. Which ordinarily would bore him because he gets everything he wants out of normal humans with that trait without difficulty. And yet, Shizuo isn’t boring and for some reason he finds Izaya attractive.

Izaya shudders at the memory of almost kissing the beast right there, after that pathetic attempt at a half-formed confession. That would have been the absolute worst. It  _ disgusts  _ him just thinking about it. “Try harder next time, Shizu-chan.” Izaya grumbles under his breath.

After escaping from Shizuo, who hadn’t actually given chase like he’d expected, Izaya had gone into the closest restaurant and proceeded to hide away in a booth in the back. Normally he would have wanted a seat by the window where he could see as many people as possible, but he doesn’t want to risk Shizuo seeing him.

He actually kind of wants Shizuo to sniff him out like he always does so that they can continue that conversation and maybe—

“—offee?” a woman’s voice interrupts that very dangerous jumble of thoughts.

Izaya glances up from his nearly empty cup and meets the eyes of his waitress, “I'm sorry?”

She smiles politely, “Would you like more coffee?”

Izaya gives her his most charming smile, “Oh yes. Without sugar, please.”

She nods and disappears into the kitchen doors. He checks what time it is on his phone and is surprised when he sees that it’s been nearly half an hour since he got here. When he hears the door open he turns around in his seat to stare at whoever it is. It isn’t Shizuo, luckily. He’s not disappointed, that’s not what that is. Shizuo is just exceeding his expectations again, that’s all.

When the woman comes back with his coffee he asks for the check and is gone within five minutes, chugging very warm coffee and regretting that decision as soon as the drink burns its way down his throat.

He’s distracted as he trudges home, too deep in thought to really pay attention to his surroundings except for the occasional thorough search for a blond haired monster.

Not that he wants Shizuo to show up. That would be ridiculous. He just has to be prepared in case a vending machine comes flying at him.

By the time Mairu and Kururi are in bed and he’s finished in the shower, he’s seriously thinking that he’s probably going crazy. Why else would he have been so embarrassed by such a pathetically half-assed attempt at a confession? Shizuo should be proclaiming his undying devotion to him, along with everyone else.

Izaya can almost hear Shizuo scoffing at that thought. “Well it’s true.” Izaya pouts and climbs into bed. He lies there restlessly for what feels like hours before picking up his phone and staring at the monster’s number for several minutes.

_ It’s just a text message, what harm could come from something so simple? _ Izaya reasons with himself as he types out something taunting and generally obnoxiously rude to catch Shizuo’s attention.

Shizuo’s response comes in after several torturous minutes, “What the fuck? Who gave you my number?”

“You did. Well, not knowingly. You shouldn’t leave your phone laying around~”

“You’re pissing me off.” This time his response is immediate.

Izaya smiles triumphantly because he has Shizuo’s undivided attention now. He knows it. “Is that so? All I’m doing is telling the truth.”

“You don’t even know what that is.”

“Of course I know what the truth is, Shizu-chan. How else would I get so many people to trust me? But that’s beside the point. You say I’m pissing you off. Is it like earlier? Am I being too pretty again?”

Shizuo takes a very long time to respond this time. So long, in fact, that Izaya fears he won’t respond at all. “You stink. I don’t care what you look like.”

Izaya stares at his screen for a good minute before bursting out laughing, typing with shaky hands, “What on earth does that have to do with what we’re talking about? And I do not. I know for a fact that I smell better than you, at the very least.”

That isn’t exactly how Izaya feels about the matter, but he has to defend himself from such a claim. He’s been experimenting with various vanilla and cinnamon scented fragrances lately. It isn’t at all because he knows that Shizuo is fond of both.

“You smell like ass.”

His response makes Izaya raise an eyebrow. “Have you smelled many asses lately?”

“Fuck you,” is Shizuo’s immediate reply.

Izaya is very tempted to say something suggestive, but refrains because he feels like Shizuo might actually stop texting him if he does that. He’s surprised he’s still talking to him. “You do realize that ‘fuck you’ isn’t an answer, right? Unless you’re telling me that that is why you know what ass smells like. Though I think I would remember having your nose pressed against my ass.”

It may have been a mistake to get carried away, but it was a perfect chance for it. He couldn’t resist being childish. “I wouldn’t put my nose anywhere near your smarmy ass. That’s disgusting.”

Izaya chuckles and rolls onto his side, “I’m a very clean person, thank you very much.”

“Doesn’t help if you just naturally smell like that.”

“You have wounded me, Shizu-chan. But you deliberately changed the subject. I asked you a question.” Izaya hits send and wonders what Shizuo is currently doing. If he’s struggling not to crack his phone or a piece of furniture, maybe a pencil if he’s still doing homework.

“I haven’t smelled anyone’s ass,” is Shizuo’s curt reply and it makes Izaya laugh again because of course he would choose that question to answer.

Izaya is in the process of trying to figure out how to get Shizuo back to an explanation about earlier, but before he gets the chance Shizuo has sent another text. “I’m going to bed. Don’t text me again. This is weird.”

He would generally agree with that but given what has already happened today, this feels pretty normal. Izaya sends an overly cheery, “Goodnight monster~” before shutting his phone and staring at the wall.

He desperately wants to know what Shizuo was thinking earlier. Why did he say that right then? What made him think that that particular time was a good time for it? It wasn’t even romantic or some sappy nonsense like he would expect out of Shizuo. He doesn’t understand. He’s never given Shizuo a reason to like him. He can admit that, he knows how much annoyance he causes for Shizuo on a daily basis. More so than Shizuo knows, in fact.

It’s frustrating how terribly unpredictable Shizuo is. Izaya can’t wrap his mind around his behavior at all, but he tries anyway because he can’t just drop something this important.

Because Shizuo called Izaya pretty.

Maybe it was planned, but Shizuo had looked just as startled as Izaya was when he’d realized what he said. And Izaya has never been given the impression that Shizuo has the capacity to be deceptive. If anything it would be Izaya to do that sort of thing, except it falls too close to the truth for him to manage to  _ pretend  _ to find Shizuo attractive. He’s pretty sure his interest is incredibly obvious, but he’s been convinced that Shizuo  _ hated  _ everything about him until today so maybe Shizuo hasn’t realized it yet. Izaya doesn’t want to be the one to come out and say it, but he still refuses to take today as a change in their dynamic.

Shizuo needs to try harder than that next time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Izaya is such a ridiculous child at all times. Throughout his entire life. And Shizuo is forced to put up with it before he even finds it endearing. 
> 
> I hope you like it and I hope you had a fantastic week.


	3. Devour

Izaya doesn’t know how he ended up here.

Well, that’s not entirely true. He is very aware of how he ended up here. He just doesn’t know why Shizuo chose this particular thing as if it’s somehow meant as a punishment.

This had actually been his goal while they were in class, he just didn’t realize that Shizuo had the restraint to wait until they got home otherwise he probably wouldn’t have teased quite so much. He got himself worked up in the process and their entire walk back to the apartment was made longer by the tightness in his pants and the slight flush he could see over Shizuo’s cheeks. He’d been hoping that the blond would drag him into somewhere private immediately upon threatening him with the promise of eating him, but as always he had to surprise him.

Though, thinking back on it, he is actually grateful that Shizuo waited to do this until they got back to the apartment.

They’ve been home for an hour. Izaya knows this because the alarm clock is taunting him with what time it is from the table on his side of the bed. He’s not particularly displeased by this knowledge, but Shizuo hasn’t let him relieve even some of the tension in his body. Every time he’s tried to reach his hand toward his cock Shizuo has shoved it back up above his head. His knees have nearly given out enough times that Shizuo has taken to just holding him up by his hips and he can feel bruises forming from the weight of it and that only makes him flush harder against his stomach.

He genuinely wants to be angry with Shizuo for drawing this out for such a long time, but every press of his tongue is blurring all thoughts in Izaya’s mind and dragging moans out of his throat instead of the taunts he would love to be throwing at the man behind him.

He’s trying to muffle his voice when he feels a sharp pain in one of his ass cheeks. It only takes a moment longer before he realizes that Shizuo has actually bitten him. He tries to glare over his shoulder at him but has to turn his head back down into the pillow he’s clutching, groaning out a low _Shizu-chan_ when he feels Shizuo’s fingers press into him in place of his tongue.

Izaya can feel Shizuo’s grin against the skin of his ass, can feel the rumble of laughter in the shake of his breath. He desperately wants to stab the monster in his smug face, but he can’t even bring himself to lift his weight onto his elbows, doesn't want to move away from Shizuo’s all-encompassing warmth and that ridiculously talented tongue of his and the friction of his fingers stretching him open. Shizuo releases the hold his teeth have on Izaya’s ass and he’s just starting to take a breath of half relief and half disappointment when Shizuo licks at the sensitive skin of the mark he just left. His throat closes off on the inhale he’s taking, traps the sound that wants to break out of his chest to spill into the air. He can’t think clearly at all, he can’t stop shaking with need, but he does manage to shove himself backwards against Shizuo’s hand.

When he hears Shizuo’s chuckle he can breathe again, desperately pulling in air only for it to be forced out of him when Shizuo pulls his hand back and pushes back in too quickly for him to track, too quickly for him to prepare himself or try to mask the moan of Shizuo’s name that is ripped from him.

Shizuo knows what he’s doing, knows how difficult it is for Izaya to hold back his voice under normal circumstances, but especially at times such as these. Shizuo is the one with complete control over the situation and Izaya doesn’t want to fight him on it, but he wishes he would stop teasing him and just—

“This is what you wanted, isn’t it?” Shizuo asks, his voice hot with arousal but controlled in a way that startles Izaya even as the low sound of it forces a shudder down his spine, “You wanted me to eat you. That’s what you said, right?” Shizuo punctuates his questions with quick motions of his hand. Izaya is struggling to breathe past the fire in his veins and the longing to demand that Shizuo stop teasing him. He can’t find the space in his lungs for protest, can’t find the oxygen necessary to do anything more than moan and whine Shizuo’s name over and over. When Shizuo draws back and adds another finger Izaya fists his hands into the sheets, forgets to muffle the drawn out groan that Shizuo pulls from him with the stretch and the friction inside his body. He feels like he’s suffocating, like Shizuo is dragging the air out of him with the strength of his fingers alone. Even through his own gasped breaths he can hear Shizuo breathing almost level, as if he isn’t as affected by this as Izaya knows him to be. If he turned to look the strain against the fabric of his sweatpants would display his interest clearly enough.

“Shizu-chan,” Izaya gasps, releasing the iron grip he has on the sheets with one hand and reaching back in what he hopes appears as something close to beckoning, “please.” He sounds pathetic even to his own ears, like he’s begging to be spared some awful punishment instead of asking to be fucked properly. He knows why Shizuo used this as a punishment now, understands the lengths he will go to make a point about propriety.

The warmth of Shizuo’s fingers pulls away, leaving him feeling empty until they’re replaced once more with the wetness of his tongue. Izaya shudders and claws at the sheets under him in a weak attempt to fight back the pleasure wracking his body. “Shizu-chan!” Izaya whines and Shizuo doesn’t react in any way aside from a hum that vibrates into him and he feels himself clenching up all over in response, knows that Shizuo can feel it because he hears the faintest groan in the back of the other’s throat. “I won’t—please.” He’s struggling for coherence and Shizuo isn’t helping him in the slightest, apparently too caught up in his task to ask him what he means or even let him catch his breath. “I won’t do it again.” Izaya slurs, too exhausted to care at this point if he sounds like he’s promising something.

Shizuo pulls away and gently rolls him over onto his back. Izaya doesn’t get the chance to try to sit up before a hand is pressed against his chest to keep him down. He looks up to see Shizuo hovering above him with an expression of triumph on his face, “What was that?”

Izaya makes the attempt to glare at him but it feels far less menacing than it’s supposed to, especially with Shizuo’s palm holding him down and his eyes burning like melting amber. “You heard me the first time.” Izaya snaps, ignoring the way his voice catches in his throat, “I’m not going to repeat myself just because of your pride, monster.”

Shizuo smirks and dips down closer, ghosting his lips over Izaya’s and he can smell the vanilla of the lube they’ve been using, sneers in disgust at the sweetness of it. “S’not about pride.” he states, his eyes flashing dangerously for a brief moment before he settles lower and bites at Izaya’s throat. “If you don’t promise not to do it again I’m never taking you back there.”

He wants to say that he doesn’t care. He wants to shove Shizuo over and either stab him in the neck or ride his dick and he’s not really sure which desire is winning out right now but he wouldn’t be able to break the blond’s hold on him anyway so it’s irrelevant. He grits his teeth in annoyance and opens his mouth to say something cruel and biting, but it’s a moan that spills from his lips instead when Shizuo’s mouth engulfs his cock.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Izaya groans, “ _Shizu-chan_.”

When he releases him he’s smiling again, his lips red and his teeth stark white in comparison, “Is that what you want?”

He’s suddenly reminded of a documentary he watched on lions months ago, of watching close-up views of the animals devouring their prey. It’s not something he needs to think about with Shizuo’s mouth so close to his crotch where he can see every twitch of want. It’s not like he wants to be devoured by Shizuo any more than he already has been this afternoon alone. Instead of stating the incredibly obvious _yes_ that his brain is ardently screeching at him, he closes his mouth firmly. Shizuo’s smile grows and he turns his head to press an open mouthed kiss to the inside of Izaya’s thigh, lightly tugging on the skin with his teeth in a way that Izaya loves but refuses to respond actively to, “Don’t be like that. All you have to do is promise not to act like a horny teenager in class again and I’ll fuck you the way you want me to. It’s really not that hard. Just two words.” Shizuo looks up at him expectantly, eyes bright and pupils wide, and Izaya hates him.

He doesn’t want to do it, if for no other reason than out of spite. But Shizuo isn’t backing off, isn’t even moving his mouth away to prevent his breaths from flowing over Izaya’s cock. He hates him. He hates him so much. This is an unorthodox amount of teasing just for something as simple as a promise not to rub his ass against Shizuo’s pelvis in public again. He isn’t even considering it as an option after this, but he doesn’t want to promise something so ridiculously outlandish as that. He might have a reason to do that again in the future. Izaya breaks eye contact with Shizuo and stares up at the ceiling as he sighs, “Fine.”

Shizuo’s face is above his in an instant, eyes narrowed slightly and hair tickling against Izaya’s forehead, “Fine?”

Izaya glares at him and shoves a hand up into blond hair to tug loosely on it, “I _promise_ I won’t do it again.”

He isn’t disappointed by Shizuo’s immediate response to his acquiescence and he almost wishes that he’d done that an hour ago. After all, he didn’t ask him to specify _what_ he won’t do again.

And he’s not at all displeased when he wakes up the following day and sees the ridiculous number of bite marks covering his ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. This is a thing that happened. I'll just leave this here and go back to writing some more for TAI because I did say I'd update that a couple of days ago. Maybe this makes up for the wait.
> 
> I hope you like it and I hope you've been doing well and that you're having a good day.


	4. Frighten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if this is necessary, but I want to say it just to be safe, this chapter contains astraphobia -- the fear of thunderstorms.

Izaya isn't afraid of anything.

Or at least that's what he tells himself. He's convinced that there is another reason for how he's feeling right now. Maybe he ate something he shouldn't have or he's getting sick, but this certainly isn't fear. It’s not fear twisting in his chest and tensing his spine. It’s not fear that’s causing his entire body to tremble and curl in around his knees. It’s not fear that led him to Shizuo’s apartment and into his bed to wrap himself in the other’s blankets while he waits for him to come home from his shift at the cafe he’s currently working in.

He’s in the process of forcing his breaths to come at a normal pace when the room flashes bright for half a second and then the entire building shakes from a particularly loud and violent blast of thunder. Izaya’s body curls even tighter over his knees, all progress he’d made with his breathing ruined and restarted as it has been with every flash of lightning and subsequent boom of thunder. He’s staring at the door, desperately pleading for Shizuo to show up and arguing with himself about letting Shizuo see him this way.

Izaya doesn’t get a chance to decide if he actually made the right choice in coming here before the door is opening and revealing a completely soaked Shizuo. He’s pushed the door out of his way and opened the room to the sound of the storm outside, unmuffled by the safety of doors and windows and walls and Izaya’s breath catches into a whimper in his throat. The door closes with a bit more force than what Izaya feels is necessary but he doesn’t snap at Shizuo about it since it’s his door and if he breaks it then he is the one that has to deal with it.

Shizuo isn’t looking at him. He’s looking down at his shirt as he unbuttons it and strips the material off, lets the shirt fall to the floor with a wet plop while he reaches for the button and zipper of his trousers. Izaya’s watched Shizuo undress numerous times before, has seen him completely naked just as many times, but his focus can’t stay directed just at the other’s muscular body when the room flashes with another strip of lightning and then the room shakes with thunder and the sound drowns out the whine that breaks free from Izaya. Shizuo is entirely unperturbed by the storm raging outside. He’s standing calmly by the front door in just his boxers now and appears to be deciding whether he wants to just strip those off as well.

“You’ll probably be cold if you take those off,” Izaya hisses at him, his words coming out harsher than intended, “though do monsters even get cold? I’ve never seen anything that says you do so maybe that isn’t a concern.”

Shizuo’s head jerks up and his gaze burns into Izaya’s, makes him stop trembling for a breath of time before he’s reminded of why he was trembling in the first place. The wind kicks up and rain hits the windows with near deafening force. “What the fuck are you doing here?” the words don’t even begin to come across as disappointed or angry, it’s just an instant and habitual response to Izaya’s presence.

Izaya hasn’t visited Shizuo in several months, has been too busy with the beginnings of his first semester in university and his work getting his name out there as an informant. He’d completely forgotten that he could’ve texted Shizuo to let him know he was going to be here. “I came to see you of course~” Izaya drawls, forcing himself to sit up a bit straighter from the curl he has adopted around his legs, “Is that so surprising?”

Now Shizuo’s glaring, “Did you break in? I didn’t give you a key. I haven’t seen you in months.” He flinches back slightly at the hurt laid under the aggression in the others words. Shizuo’s shoulders are tense as he makes his way over to the door to the bathroom and hovers there, still looking at Izaya with an intensity that he should be used to. “Did you eat?”

Izaya feels his face scrunch up in confusion before he can stop it from happening, “Is Shizu-chan concerned about my health?”

Shizuo huffs out a breath and disappears into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him with only marginally less force than he did the front door. Izaya stares at the door and then glances over at the window in time to see another flash of lightning. There is a brief pause before the next crash of thunder and it is louder even than the last. Izaya pulls the blankets tighter around his body and covers his ears with his hands to muffle the noise.

It feels like Shizuo is in the shower for a very long time, but he is certain that only a few minutes pass before the blond is opening the door and walking over to his dresser with nothing on except the towel he’s using to dry his hair. It’s a distraction from whatever is causing tension in his body, to say the least. Unfortunately he tugs on a pair of sweatpants  _ and  _ a tee-shirt before turning to look at Izaya. “What do you want?”

Izaya blinks and breaks off eye contact, feeling far too exposed with the golden amber of the other’s gaze meeting his. He pulls at a loose string along the edge of the blanket and breathes out a small sigh, “I wanted to see you. Truly. I’m not lying.”

He looks up then to see Shizuo’s expression but instead of him being where he was he’s closer, almost at the edge of the mattress and Izaya wants to say something else, wants Shizuo to say something in response to keep him from having to continue his explanation but then the room flashes bright and the thunder following almost immediately after startles him and makes him jerk backwards. He hits the back of his head against the wall and groans out a note of pain right before he feels warm fingers press against the back of his skull. When he blinks open his eyes Shizuo is right in front of him and he looks concerned. Izaya frowns in immediate response to this, but doesn’t struggle against the other when he pulls him forward to look at the slow forming lump. “Are you alright?” Shizuo murmurs against his ear.

It makes him shiver and want to lash out with something akin to blame, but he doesn’t. Instead he bites back the misdirected aggression and fists his fingers into Shizuo’s shirt to pull himself closer to the warmth of the other’s body. “Yes,” Izaya says softly, meaning something entirely different from what Shizuo will likely take this as. “I’m alright now.”

When he feels Shizuo’s lips against his jaw he relaxes and even the next explosion of thunder can’t break into the bubble of comfort that he finds in Shizuo’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like Izaya having astraphobia but denying its existence to the point of it eventually going away. Because if anyone could deny something hard enough for it almost to not exist, it would be Izaya. He's only 19 here. He's allowed to have at least one fear. Also, just to express this if it wasn't clear, Shizuo didn't know before the ending there that Izaya was scared of thunderstorms--thunder being the biggest factor. They get through it and obviously in the future he's not afraid of them anymore so they do something right. 
> 
> Anyway~ I hope you like it and I hope you are all doing well.


	5. Expectations

Izaya thought Shinra was joking. After all, how likely is it for a single person to fight off dozens of people on their own? As Shinra led him to the field he’d been incredulous, but now he’s fascinated.

He’s heard the rumors about Heiwajima Shizuo, the ‘Monster of Ikebukuro’ all morning and in whispers all over Ikebukuro.

But then he sees him and his knees feel like they've turned into jello. It's  _ incredible _ .

_ He’s _ incredible.

The boy doesn't look like he could possibly contain that much strength. He looks almost frail in comparison to some of those Izaya sees attacking him, but he's swinging around a huge pole that looks like it came from one of the goals and likely weighs well over a ton. Izaya can't bring himself to look away long enough to check.

“I told you he's strong.” Shinra states excitedly from where he's standing somewhere to Izaya's left.

Izaya risks a glance at him, but then he has to look back to the Heiwajima boy when he hears an animalistic growl that sends heat through his veins.

He didn't know it was possible for a human voice to reach such a register.

“He's amazing.” Izaya whispers too low for Shinra to be able to hear, then louder “You didn’t tell me anything. You just dragged me out here because you had something to show me.”

“Exactly! Shizuo-kun  _ is  _ what I wanted to show you.”

Izaya can’t imagine right now is the best time for that. The boy’s shoulders are heaving with how hard he’s panting and the pole in his hands is crumpling in his grip. Izaya is just about to tell Shinra that he thinks they should do this introduction later when he calls out to Shizuo.

When Shizuo jerks around to face them he has the most intense expression on his face. He looks furious and overheated and  _ glorious _ . There is an all-consuming fire in his gaze—amber, such an unusual color—as he takes in Izaya’s appearance.

Izaya feels naked suddenly, like this boy can somehow see the deepest reaches of his soul. He’s uncomfortable with the sensation and grimaces before he can stop himself. He doesn’t want anyone—let alone this boy—to see all of the dark edges he keeps hidden away.

He forces his posture into something more casual and drags a smirk onto his lips just as Shinra blurts out too-enthusiastic insults about Izaya by way of introduction.

“That’s not very nice Shinra.” Izaya drawls, still not tearing his gaze away from Shizuo.

Shizuo is silent for a long moment before he growls, “I don’t like you.” directed solely at Izaya.

Usually he would be amused by such a claim. Usually he would adore the person merely for drawing a conclusion about him so quickly. It is amusing in its own way, but Izaya wants this person to like him. He craves for it in a way that he’s never craved anything before.

Izaya’s smile grows wider. He’s sure that he looks manic, but he’s not exactly in the mood to try to hide that. Especially since he feels like Shizuo would see it anyway. “That’s too bad. We could have a lot of fun together.”

He hasn’t even finished his sentence before Shizuo is launching himself toward him, fist directed at Izaya’s face. It’s  _ exhilarating _ to watch. He’s fast and Izaya can feel the power in the other fly past him when he ducks at the last possible second. The desk he was sitting on crumples and splinters into a million pieces, but he’s not watching that. He’s watching Shizuo’s body move beneath the fabric of his shirt, the shift of lean muscles under slightly sweat dampened cotton that hangs loosely off of him.

The weakness in his knees is forgotten as wave upon wave of adrenaline pulses through his veins at this new and unknown threat.

Shizuo is looking for him, twisting around in an arc and in that moment he’s completely open for him. Izaya can’t help himself; he has to take advantage of the opportunity. He swings his knife hard, as hard as he can manage at the angle he has, and slashes through the middle of the other’s chest.

Bright crimson blooms to the surface as Shizuo pulls back with a growled “What the  _ fuck _ —” that sounds more startled than aggressive. Izaya can feel himself smiling, on the verge of breathless laughter. “Isn’t this fun, Shizu-chan?” It’s not meant as a taunt, but it comes out as one. It burns like acid all up his throat and he couldn’t stop it if he tried. “I could do this forever and never get bored of it!”

He knows how this must look. How else would it be taken? He’s goading the other into a fight. What he wants is to understand. He can’t focus enough to take in the magnitude of Shizuo’s presence yet, but he wants all of this boy’s attention. He can feel the need for it burning inside him.

The pole Shizuo had been holding in his earlier fight interrupts Izaya’s introspection and he has to sprint and roll out of the way in order to keep himself from being decapitated.

He keeps running after he regains his footing. He can hear heavy footsteps just behind him and it would be intimidating if he wasn’t so certain he could get away from it.

He doesn’t plan for Shizuo to chase him as far as he does; nor does he plan for the boy to be hit by a truck. When he turns to look over his shoulder at the commotion his heart stops. Most people wouldn’t survive a hit like that, but when he sprints the few yards back to where Shizuo lies on the concrete he can see him breathing. He rolls over and groans and Izaya sighs in relief.

He pays off the driver, convinces him not to tell anyone about this and gives him a bit extra to help with any repairs to his truck as it looks  _ dented  _ from where it hit Shizuo.

And then Izaya disappears around a corner where he can safely contact Shinra to let him know what has happened.

He doesn’t account for the fact that Shinra is the only doctor that the two of them know, so he is startled when Shizuo shows up and yanks the door off the hinges to try to murder him with it. Izaya is exhausted and more than a little glad of Celty’s presence to calm Shizuo enough to let him get fixed up so he can escape.

He only reflects over the day's events when he gets home and into the shower where he won’t be disturbed by his sisters. The water soothes his sore muscles, but his mind is only just beginning to race through everything. It’s likely that he’s ruined any possibility for Shizuo to see him in a positive light with one afternoon, but he doesn’t want to focus on that. Not when he wants the opposite to be true.

Izaya thinks he should be bored with Shizuo already. He isn’t that impressive as a human, aside from his strength and his looks. He’s just a teenage boy with bleached blond hair and an impressive amount of anger. But his strength is enough to override any sort of normalcy that Izaya could try to find in him.

He’s extraordinary.

Izaya  _ wants  _ him. It’s a powerful sort of want though he can’t quite sort through all the angles of it and what exactly he wants from him remains a mystery even as he stands under the spray of too-hot water for more than fifteen minutes considering this one thing.

He decides that he wants to hate Shizuo the same way he clearly hated Izaya in those first moments. It’s only fair.

He wonders what it is that made Shizuo hate him, he thinks about it for several minutes before he gives up as his thoughts turn dark and thinks about the strength hidden in that lean body. Izaya is completely certain that the punch Shizuo first threw at him would have broken him, possibly irreversibly. Despite the heat of the water he shivers and his skin flushes hotter.

It might be best not to focus on that particular detail if he’s going to hate Shizuo, he thinks.

If he can coax Shizuo into actually getting to know him, however, then it might be safe to indulge himself a bit. As it stands now though, he feels like Shizuo would somehow know he did this. He shuts off the water and dries himself off, drags on his sweatpants and tee shirt and considers what he wants to make for dinner.

He sees his reflection and smirks at the dark of a bruise laid over the very cheek Shizuo’s fist should have connected with earlier.

There will always be time for such dangerous thoughts in the future, for when he has the monster to himself.

He’s nothing if not hopeful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Izaya is such a ridiculous child here. He has the most obvious strength kink I've ever seen in a character in my life, but y'know. Ignoring his huge incoming crisis. 
> 
> I thought it'd be nice to see their first meeting from Izaya's pov since I hadn't gotten around to that yet. I don't think I've actually done Shizuo's either? Maybe I'll do that next because that'd make sense. I'm on vacation right now and it's really nice to not have much to worry about. I needed to be away from stress so here we are. With Izaya being a dork with a crush. 
> 
> I am curious if any of you want to see something in particular? I'm not short on ideas, I just am uncertain what order to write things in. So lemme know if you have something you'd like to see?? But yeah! I hope you're all doing well and I hope you enjoy this chapter :)


	6. Vast

She’s in the kitchen when Shizuo stumbles grumbling down the stairs. It’s Saturday morning and she’s almost surprised to see him before eleven. “Good morning Shizu-chan. I was wondering when you were going to get out of bed.”

He blinks tiredly at her from across the space of the living room before he finishes trudging over to the couch and drops onto it. “Why did  _ you  _ get out of bed,” he grumbles into the cushions, “s’cold and ‘m tired.”

Izaya laughs quietly to herself and watches Shizuo’s back tense at the sound, “Some of us have to be awake before noon. I’m making coffee, do you want some?”

Shizuo rolls onto his side and stares at her through the curtain of his hair. She can see hints of brown at his roots and makes a mental note to order hair dye later. “I’ll put cream and sugar in it if you want.” Izaya adds when he doesn’t respond after several moments.

Shizuo groans and rolls onto his back so he can run his hands over his face, “You don’t have to.”

Izaya hums and retrieves the cup Shizuo usually drinks his coffee out of and fills it halfway, leaving plenty of space for the ridiculous amount of cream and sugar the other prefers. She turns to open the fridge a bit faster than is necessary so that she can feel her skirt flare out around her thighs. “Do you want milk or creamer today?” She calls over her shoulder.

Shizuo grumbles and she can hear him shove himself off of the couch harder than he means. This prompts a short string of curses as he regains his balance. He’s still grumbling to himself about it as he steps into the kitchen and takes in her appearance. His eyes light up at the sight of the skirt, but he doesn’t comment. “Creamer is fine. I want to drink the milk on its own.”

She smirks and continues humming to herself as she finishes making Shizuo’s coffee for him, all the while feeling his eyes caressing her legs. She’s not surprised when warm hands wrap gently around her waist and Shizuo nuzzles her neck. “D’you have to work today?” He asks in an almost-whisper that tickles the skin along her shoulders and makes her shiver.

Izaya deliberately chose a shirt with a low cut back to make it hard for Shizuo to resist the temptation of her shoulders and he did exactly what she expected. The skirt is for her despite how Shizuo’s eyes always cling to her legs and ass when she’s wearing them. Though she doesn’t need to wear skirts to feel feminine, it’s still a small enjoyment that she indulges in sometimes. This particular one is her favorite. It’s black with small pink and red flowers and it reminds her of the cherry blooming festivals that they go to each year.

The way Shizuo is holding her, the way he  _ always  _ holds her, like she’s fragile. Like she's the most precious thing in the world—in  _ his _ world. It makes her feel things she doesn’t have a name for. Love is one of the first of many she’s tested, but it feels like more than that. It’s more all-encompassing than such a simple term could possibly cover, but even knowing several languages fluently she still doesn’t have a better word for it. Izaya wonders if Shizuo can feel it too and if he ever considers different words for it like she does. Knowing Shizuo, he probably doesn’t think too hard on a word for it and just lets himself enjoy the feeling.

“I have a few things I need to finish researching for Shiki-san, but that shouldn’t take too long.” her voice is slightly breathless from the direction her thoughts have wandered, “Why?”

Shizuo’s arms wrap around her waist fully, firm but no less gentle for it, “We could go out tonight. It’s been awhile since we had a proper date.”

_ Awhile  _ isn’t exactly the right word for how long it’s been. It feels like they haven’t had a date since their anniversary, but she knows they’ve been out at least once since then. “Where are you thinking of taking me? Somewhere romantic where Shizu-chan can secretly hold my hand under the table?” Izaya teases lightly.

Shizuo huffs out a soft breath against the back of her neck and she feels teeth briefly tug on the skin there, “There wouldn’t be anything secretive about me holding your hand. Isn’t there a new French place that you talked about wanting to try?”

Izaya gasps sarcastically and then giggles when Shizuo’s arms tighten in reflexive response, “I’m surprised you were actually paying attention.”

“Stop being a brat.” Shizuo growls, “Of course I was.”

“Mm, of course.” Izaya agrees, “There is one that I’d like to try a few blocks from here, is that the one you’re referring to?”

“It might be. You didn’t mention a location when you talked about it last week.”

Izaya shrugs, “It doesn’t really matter where we go. I need to go do research so can you let go of me?”

“Don’t wanna. You can do yakuza work tomorrow.”

Izaya laughs and tries to wriggle out of Shizuo’s grip even though she knows it’s impossible unless he lets her, “That’s what you said yesterday.”

“Yeah and you didn’t let me have you to myself all day yesterday.”

“Namie gets extra bitter and unpleasant when I don’t work, Shizu-chan. Surely you know this.”

Shizuo groans and Izaya knows that she’s won, “Fine.”

It takes longer than she expected to find everything she needed to, but a few hours of Shizuo pouting on the couch are preferable to the Awakusu feeling as if Izaya is getting lazy with her work, which is far from the truth. Shizuo could vouch for that himself and he’d likely be overly insistent about it.

They don’t have to change their clothing to go to this particular restaurant. They’re both wearing semi-formal casual attire which Izaya found out is the preference when she’d called to ask for reservations.

Shizuo is always more relaxed in Shinjuku than he is in Ikebukuro. Izaya thinks it’s because the eyes of those around them don’t stick to or avoid him altogether. The only attention she’s noticed him getting a lot of are lustful stares or appreciative once-overs. Shizuo is attractive, despite how he might view himself.

Izaya isn’t sappy like Shizuo is, but she knows on an intimate level how good Shizuo is. He’s a good and gentle person at his core. He genuinely doesn’t like hurting others and recently Izaya has done everything in her power to assist him at work.

Not that Shizuo knows this of course. Izaya went to each of the debtors individually. Some required only gentle persuasion to listen to whatever Shizuo and his company asked of them without question, others were intimidated into submission by Izaya’s reputation alone, and others succumbed only have Izaya took more extreme measures, blackmail being the most common and easiest to set up.

Usually she only goes to the trouble during the week of their anniversary, as much as a reminder to Shizuo that it’s an important week as it is a sort of gift to him.

Celty has caught her in the midst of her activities before. The first time was years ago, before Shinra and Celty were made aware that they’re officially a couple, not just fucking or occasionally making out on the couch in Shinra’s apartment when he disappears down the hallway to retrieve more gauze because of how heavily Shizuo is bleeding. She’d looked at her with her head cocked to the side and stated very calmly that Izaya was in love with Shizuo.

She’d laughed her off, of course. But she’d been shaken yet again by the perceptiveness of the dullahan.

“Izaya?” Shizuo’s voice asks and she’s reminded that this is supposed to be a date.

She tilts her head forward so that her hair covers at least part of her eyes from Shizuo’s sharp gaze, “I was just thinking about Celty.”

Shizuo looks at her curiously, “Yeah? What were you thinking about Celty? Was she talking to you about her concerns about aliens again? She seems to like talking to you about that.”

“That’s because I actually humor her. It’s highly likely that there could be other life forms in another galaxy, even in a nearby solar system for all we know. But no,” Izaya sighs and lets herself smile at the memory of the anxiety that had plagued her for months after Celty had said that, “I’m thinking about when Celty realized I’m in love with you.”

She doesn’t put any thought into the words. Shizuo is quiet for an abnormal amount of time and when Izaya turns to look at him in confusion he’s blushing. It takes her a full minute to realize what she’s said that explains Shizuo’s strange reaction and when she does she blushes at least as much as he is.

“I meant when she accused me of it the first time.” Izaya looks away and at the sidewalk, wishing desperately that they were in a dark secluded place instead of in plain sight for any human near enough to look at them and their matched expressions of embarrassment. “Not that I don’t, I’m just. How far away did you say this place is? I swear we’ve walked at least five blocks.”

She can see Shizuo slowly shake his head from her peripheral, “It’s uh, one more block. We won’t miss it, it’s pink or something.”

Izaya glances over Shizuo’s shoulder and stops walking, dragging Shizuo to a sudden stop where their hands are linked, “Like that?”

Shizuo drags a hand through his hair and turns to look at the bright pink sign above the entrance, “Oh.” His cheeks are still red when Izaya passes him to lead the way inside. The waiter that takes them to their table is polite, but Izaya isn’t really paying attention to the conversation he’s trying to make with them. She’s too busy taking in how  _ romantic  _ the restaurant is.

This is exactly the type place Shizuo would choose for a date.

Candles, secluded booths, and dark wood everywhere. Even the tablecloths are stereotypically romantic with their deep hues of red and soft lace edges. Izaya thinks it’s all a bit much, but she likes it because it’s different and very  _ Shizuo _ .

After a few minutes of sitting in silence staring at each other Shizuo starts looking a bit nervous and Izaya smiles very faintly when it strikes her that they haven’t had a date like this outside of their apartment before. She angles her arm elegantly across the table and leans on her knuckles, making herself appear as flirtatious as possible to further melt Shizuo into the puddle he seems to be turning into on his own. “Is Shizu-chan planning something? This is a very romantic date for something spur of the moment.”

“What?” Shizuo glances up from the candle in the middle of the table and has to blink a few times to clear his vision, “I’m not planning anything. You said you wanted to go on more dates the other day and I thought today was good because you had time.”

“Mm, that is true, I did say that. But I didn’t think you’d take that as ‘take me on a romantic dinner date, Shizu-chan, please.’ We could have watched a movie in the apartment and fallen asleep on the couch.”

“Every time we do that you end up grumpy about it.”

“I don’t mean we should do that every time, but tonight that would have been perfect. Not that I’m complaining, I love looking at you and this restaurant is extremely romantic, which I’m sure was your hope.” Izaya can feel her eyes softening at the frown on Shizuo’s lips, “You don’t have to try to impress me, you know.”

The frown deepens, “That’s not what I was trying—I only wanted to have you to myself but because we’re always in the apartment I thought you’d like to go out once or twice.” He ruffles his hair like he does when he’s struggling with his words, Izaya finds this particular habit incredibly endearing. “I was actually thinking that I’d like to take you on a...really long date.”

Izaya is caught off guard by this and has absolutely no idea what he could possibly be talking about, “What do you mean?”

“Well, I don’t mean a  _ date  _ exactly.” Shizuo furrows his eyebrows and usually this would make Izaya smile, but she’s too busy focusing on what he’s trying to tell her. “You know how I always want you to myself, but we’re interrupted by work or friends or...uh. Well we sleep a lot sometimes, I guess we could sleep less.”  

“Shizu-chan I don’t understa—”

“A vacation.” Shizuo blurts and then blushes immediately afterwards, “I mean, if you wanted to. I’ve been saving up for it so you wouldn’t have to cover anything. I wanted to give you something special for your birthday and Celty suggested that I bring up a vacation and I thought it seemed like a great idea because I know how stressed you get and I really want you to get more rest, but you have so much to do all the time and I have work and I can’t just—”

“Shizu-chan, it’s alright.” Izaya interrupts, “I’m just surprised. What...where were you thinking we could go?”

Shizuo blinks and then his entire body relaxes to match his expression, “You want to? Ah, um, I talked to Celty about some places she thinks we’d really like. I was thinking the mountains, but if you want to go somewhere warmer then there are plenty of other places we can go.”

“The mountains are more isolated and it’s snowing there.” He looks confused so Izaya grins, “I think the mountains are a good choice. We’ll be left alone there, don’t you think?”

Shizuo’s eyes light up with so much enthusiasm Izaya has to look down at his lips instead, to the growing smile that’s almost as bright as his eyes. “Yeah. Yeah, we’ll be alone.”

There is nothing in the world Izaya likes more than Shizuo’s happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO I AM SORRY. It's been almost a month and uh. I've had a /lot/ going on. My sister had a baby this week and I haven't slept basically at all. BUT! I have even more ideas than I did before, plus the comment I received from Kissyfox last time, I am actually working on those things. They were good ideas. They'll be a bit different from how you described them probably, but it's very good. 
> 
> Anyway, I wrote this for all of you. I have a billion projects I'm working on for future fics, all of them are Shizaya, and this one is continuing I'm just apparently very slow now. Like I said though, I have a lot going on. I hope you've all been doing well and that everything is going well in your lives.
> 
> Also, like I said last time, if you have any ideas I will certainly take them into consideration. I love being given inspiration wherever I can get it.


	7. Soft

Izaya has always loved cats. He doesn’t know when his fascination with them started, but he doesn’t question it when cats are clearly superior creatures to all others. Except, of course, for humans. And Shizuo. 

So when one of his clients offers him a kitten by way of payment, Izaya doesn’t brush it off. He’s intrigued by the offer, but he’s not so blinded by his love for cats to trust the man’s judgment and asks him to bring the kittens so that he can pick the one he wants. Izaya has considered getting a cat for the apartment anyway because it’s lonely when Shizuo isn’t around. This is the perfect opportunity.

The client brings a box with him the following day, promptly at noon like Izaya has asked.

Once he settles on the couch and the box is placed between them, Izaya peeks inside at the kittens. At first he is startled by their lack of fur, but the longer he looks at them he can see the very short fine hair along their bodies. Some of them are darker, blacks and browns that occasionally mix in blotches.

There is one lighter kitten that catches Izaya’s attention more than the others. They look an equal mix of nervous and pissed off. Suddenly he’s reminded of Shizuo. The longer he watches this kitten the more he thinks that this is the one he wants. If for no other reason than because they look like his boyfriend. When he reaches into the box to pick them up they swat at him softly and without claws, but they don’t react otherwise.

His client makes a small noise when he pulls the kitten out of the box and into his arms, “He’s never let anyone pick him up without attacking them first.”

Izaya smiles, “Does he get along well with the other kittens?”

He shakes his head and frowns at the kitten who is now curled up happily in Izaya’s arms, “The others avoid him most of the time. He tends to get angry at the slightest provocation.”

He doesn’t need any further convincing. “He is the one I want.”

“Are you...sure about that, Orihara-san? I can’t ensure that he’ll be gentle with anything breakable in the apartment.”

Izaya giggles, thinking about how few breakable objects are actually in the apartment because of Shizuo’s accidental over-strong grip on things. “You don’t need to worry about that. I’ll take good care of him, I’m sure he’ll behave for me. After all, he already seems to like me.”

The wait for Shizuo to get home is both comfortable and exhilarating. It’s comfortable because the kitten lies in his arms for almost the entire three hour period. It’s exhilarating because Izaya is excited to show off his tiny version of Shizuo to the man himself. During the few minutes of time the kitten isn’t curled up in his arms, Izaya looks up different names for sunshine and sunlight, things that he has always affiliated with Shizuo. The name that sticks is Ra, the Egyptian god of the sun. It makes Izaya giggle to himself the first few times he says it because it reminds him of Shizuo’s growls.

Izaya’s smiling down at Ra while he scratches him under his chin when Shizuo opens the door. “Shizu-chan,” Izaya calls, just loud enough for Ra to perk up his ears but he doesn’t open his eyes, “come over here.”

Shizuo frowns at him and slips off his shoes before leaving the doorway, “What is it? Did you hurt yourself and you can’t walk over to demand I kiss you?”

“I’m not hurt, though it’s nice to know that you’d kiss me on demand if I was.”

“I didn’t say I would.” Shizuo growls, but doesn’t slow his strides across the room, “And if you aren’t hurt then you’re just being—” he stops mid-sentence when he sees Ra in Izaya’s lap. “What is that?”

“A sphynx.”

Shizuo raises an eyebrow, “Like the ones in Egypt?”

Izaya giggles and pulls Ra closer to his chest so that he can comfortably stand up without startling him, “Does he look like a giant sand sculpture, Shizu-chan?”

Shizuo narrows his eyes at the kitten, “Sort of. Why doesn’t he have any fur?”

“He has fur,” Izaya announces, sounding more than a little offended, “look at him. Feel him, he’s really soft.”

He looks skeptical, but he does as Izaya asks. He’s smiling almost as soon as he touches Ra’s back. “Wow, he really is soft.” Shizuo murmurs. “Where did you get him?”

“A client offered me a kitten and I asked him to bring them over so I could pick one.” Izaya smiles and looks down at Ra, “This one reminded me of you.”

“What?” Shizuo sounds startled but Izaya doesn’t bother looking at his expression, “How does he remind you of me?”

“Because he looks grumpy, but is really sweet to me.” Izaya smirks and cuts his eyes up toward Shizuo to stare at his mouth, “He apparently didn’t get along with any of the other kittens and gets angry easily.”

Shizuo huffs out an annoyed sigh and scratches behind Ra’s ears rather than along his back. The kitten erupts into loud purring that sounds very faintly like a growl and Izaya giggles. “He even sounds like you when he’s happy!”

“Have you picked a name for him already?”

“Yes!” Izaya exclaims a bit louder than intended in his enthusiasm and the kitten blinks up at him with his pale green eyes, “I named him Ra, after the Egyptian sun god.”

“I can’t believe you--” Shizuo has his face covered when Izaya tries to gauge his expression because he can’t tell anything from the other’s tone when he’s like this, “Did you name him that because of the sun thing?”

Izaya raises an eyebrow and readjusts the kitten over to just his left side so he can reach up to coax Shizuo’s hand away from his face, “Shizu-chan is very observant today.”

“You talk about it enough, it’s kind of an obvious connection.” Shizuo isn’t meeting his gaze and he misses the way Izaya smiles at him before falling back to a grin. “We don’t have anything for him to sleep on.”

“He could sleep in the bed with us.”

Shizuo growls, “No. I don’t want another cat in the bed.”

“Another? What on earth does Shizu-chan mean by that?” Izaya tries to sound offended, but it comes out more amused than anything else.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about,  _ kitten _ . We can get him a bed and a heated blanket or something, but he’s not sleeping with us.”

“Ra might not agree with this plan.”

“I don’t care what he disagrees with. I’m not sharing the bed with him.” Shizuo takes a step closer and leans forward to press a soft kiss to Izaya’s temple, “He’ll be in the way.”

Izaya giggles and turns his head so that he can gaze into Shizuo’s eyes, “I suppose that’s a good reason. We wouldn’t want a situation like what happened with the stuffed lion last time.”

“Hey, that was your fault. I didn’t put the damn thing in the bed.” His eyes drop to Izaya’s lips and he leans the slightest bit closer, “And I wouldn’t hurt a kitten. Stuffed lions aren’t alive.”

“Mm. He’ll be safer in his own bed though.” Izaya breathes out and closes his eyes, “I like having you to myself.”

He expects Shizuo’s lips to meet his own, but instead he can feel Shizuo’s hands wrapping around his left arm and the kitten he’s holding. Izaya understands what he’s asking him to do immediately. Ra complains quietly at being placed on the couch, but Izaya is too distracted by Shizuo’s lips and hands on him to mind too much.

After all, Ra will get plenty of attention from both of them later. He can wait a few minutes for them to say hello to each other properly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look, consistent updates! 
> 
> I'm able to write a lot more recently because of motivation and inspiration hitting at the same time so I'm taking advantage of it. gayhacker and izanyas (Sednareinedeseaux) are incredible writers and amazing people to do writing marathons with, so you should definitely look at their fics when you have time. Truth Be Told and Some Required Effort are /particularly/ good investments and they have many other brilliant fics that they're working on. And if you don't know who tastewithouttalent is for some reason, I heavily suggest you go read all of her fics. You will not be disappointed. 
> 
> So who likes Izaya having a kitten that reminds him of Shizuo? Because I do and he's very present now. You can look forward to a lot more of him! Also this is what he looks like: https://i.gyazo.com/34410b574eacae08be7a98e96e7aff85.png
> 
> He is adorable. I love kittens. Anyway! Sorry I ramble so much. I hope you've all had a lovely day and maybe I'll have another update within the next 24 hours for you.


	8. Ignore

Izaya likes watching Shizuo when he’s cooking. There is a certain focus that he gives to it that she hasn’t seen him give to anything else. It’s not the same as when he’s looking at her or when he’s at work. He’s relaxed, calmer, even happy enough to start humming under his breath at times. 

It’s nice to watch him like this. 

Ra is keeping Izaya company where she sits at the table. He’s been in her lap most of the day and has kept up a constant stream of growl-purring for hours now, except for the instances where Nyx has walked by and side-eyed him. 

Izaya thinks Nyx is jealous. It’s something they do every time Ra is sitting in Izaya’s lap. They walk by and stare at the two of them and the instant Ra climbs down from her lap they’re demanding all of his attention. 

That doesn’t bother Izaya though. If anything it makes her happy that they get along as well as they do. They’re incredibly smitten with each other and that’s far better than the fighting she would’ve expected if she’d known their personalities before the two of them became permanent additions to the apartment. 

However, as much as she enjoys having them around, Izaya isn’t fond of when Nyx decides to get back at her for taking Ra from them for any length of time. 

It has only happened a few times in the month or so since Shizuo found the kitten, but when it happens Nyx gives Izaya a very specific look and then makes a claim of Shizuo’s lap or his shoulders or they rub their face against his hands to demand he pet them. 

Normally Izaya can ignore this behavior, but there have been many times where Izaya wanted Shizuo to herself and Nyx tried to interrupt. 

Shizuo doesn’t always sternly turn the kitten away like Izaya wishes he would. 

She thinks he’s too nice to them. 

Right now Nyx is sitting on Shizuo’s shoulder and she can almost see them smirking at her about it. Shizuo doesn’t seem to notice the kitten’s presence at all, which she is thankful for because at least this way Nyx isn’t getting attention from him. They’re just having a stare-down with her instead. 

It’s a blatant attempt to make Izaya jealous, that much is clear. 

She glares at Nyx and then turns her attention back to Ra and strokes behind his ears. He starts growl-purring louder and it does distract her a tiny bit from the annoyance of the other kitten sitting on her boyfriend’s shoulders. 

“Hey Izaya, is there anything you want me to add to this?” 

Izaya looks up and Shizuo has turned to look at her, dislodging Nyx from their comfortable spot on his right shoulder and making them move to his left, where he still does not acknowledge them. His eyes are on Izaya instead and he’s smiling very faintly in a way that she can tell is unconscious. His head is tilted to the side and his hair isn’t in his eyes for once, making him look even softer. The ends are starting to curl and Izaya really wants to run her fingers through it to smooth it down, but not with the distraction of food that could potentially burn. 

Shizuo looks amused at her obvious distraction so she frowns and shakes her head to dislodge the urge to kiss the smirk off his face. “I’m fine with whatever you make.”  

Shizuo’s smile goes wider and her shoulders relax in response to the softness of his expression, and then he’s turning back around to continue with what he’s cooking and Nyx narrows their eyes at her. 

Ra has gone quiet in her lap because she wasn’t petting him while Shizuo’s attention was distracting her, but he starts back up with his odd purring again when she runs her fingers across his back. Nyx adjusts themself and curls their tail around their legs where Izaya can see it twitching in annoyance. 

Izaya gave Ra a bath earlier and Nyx fell in when they’d gotten too close in their curiosity. So instead of leaving them to run around smelling like a wet sock, she’d washed them too. Now they both smell floral and Nyx’s fur is incredibly shiny, but it made the kitten averse to her company even more than usual. 

Izaya would like to pet them, but they’ve been avoiding her for most of the day and with Shizuo home it’s very unlikely she’ll be able to drag them away from him. 

Izaya sighs and tries to relax back into her seat and just concentrate on Ra. 

It is very difficult to do with the distraction of Shizuo humming to himself a few feet away. She constantly finds her eyes opening so that she can stare at the line of his shoulders only for that line to be impeded by a kitten that’s  _ still  _ staring at her. 

“Stop staring at me.” She grumbles under her breath and Nyx’s ears twitch in response. 

Shizuo chuckles and she knows he heard her, but she doesn’t care because his laughter brings Nyx’s attention back to him. 

When he finishes cooking and plating the food he kneels down and nudges Nyx away before bringing everything to the table. Izaya makes no move to put Ra on the floor. He doesn’t have fur that will get into everything like Nyx does, so he can stay. Shizuo throws an amused glance at her and Ra and when Nyx tries to climb into his lap he places them gently on the floor. 

Instead of insisting or meowing loudly like they usually do when they’re getting nothing they want, Nyx trots over to the cat tree and climbs into their bed, keeping their back facing the table. 

Izaya bites her lip to keep from laughing and Shizuo sighs, “You said no cats at the table when I was cat-sitting for Kasuka, y’know.” 

“That’s because his cat has fur and so does Nyx. Ra doesn’t shed like they do.” 

“You’re spoiling him.” he grumbles under his breath and Izaya raises her eyebrows at him, “I’m not doing anything you don’t do. I’ve seen their fur on the chairs and the table numerous times.” 

“They climb on it when we’re not around.” 

“Maybe I’d believe that were all it was if I didn’t find fur on the table right after you’ve had breakfast while I’ve been in the shower.” 

“That happened one time.” 

“That’s not the point.” Izaya narrows her eyes and then focuses on eating the food he spent so long making for them. 

Shizuo doesn’t seem satisfied with that as the end of the discussion because he mentions it again after they’ve finished cleaning up the dishes. Izaya has barely sat down on the couch before Shizuo is grumbling at her about not trusting him. “Shizu-chan.” Izaya states flatly, watching Shizuo’s expression fall a bit with guilt, “Nyx isn’t old enough to shed that much.”

He frowns, “Then how did you know I let them on the table that time?” 

“You looked guilty,” Izaya waves him off when he tries to interrupt to explain himself, “it’s not that big of a deal. I was in a bad mood that morning.”

Ra stretches in her lap and then jumps down onto the floor to make his way over to the cat tree. Nyx still has their back to the room, either pouting or they fell asleep at some point, and Ra startles them as he crawls into the box. 

Izaya thinks it’s cute how they sleep cuddled up together. It reminds her a tiny bit of how she and Shizuo usually sleep. 

She can feel him staring at her, but she keeps watching the kittens until his fingers brush her hair behind her ear. And even then she doesn’t look at him, just tilts her head and relaxes into the warmth of his touch. 

She ends up in his lap shortly after, with his fingers sliding through her hair comfortingly. He has done this for as long as she can remember, but she still likes to tease him about it. 

She takes the opportunity to press a few slow kisses into Shizuo’s neck and then she lets her lips brush against his skin as she asks, “Are you petting me?” 

He doesn’t slow the motion of his hand either to the kisses she leaves on him or the question itself, “No. I just like touching your hair. You know that.” 

“Yes, I know.” Izaya smiles and closes her eyes in contentment, “Shizu-chan is obsessed with my hair.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a very long while since I updated this, forgive me. Hopefully fluff and kittens and a girl day make up for that. I've actually been very slowly working on this since August, it just happened to be much harder to concentrate on than anything else. I really love writing girl days in Izaya's pov and I love how refreshing it usually is to get into that mentality, but sometimes it's a struggle. Anyway, before I get too rambly! I hope all of you are doing well and I hope you had a good winter holiday.


	9. New

Izaya thinks it’s strange that they’ve never spent New Year’s eve together like this. Though he supposes it makes sense because before November Shizuo had a separate apartment and he’d always spent Christmas with Izaya and New Years with his family. It just worked out better that way for them both. 

Izaya usually spent that time studying for exams to distract himself from the absence of his boyfriend rather than returning to his parents' house to sit alone with his sisters sleeping in another room. 

But now that they’ve moved into a new apartment together, Shizuo is spending the holiday with him. Izaya likes the domesticity of living together and having plans for the holidays. One thing that’s really good about living with Shizuo is his cooking. He is exceptionally good at it and he’s taught Izaya quite a lot since that incident in Shizuo’s kitchen. That had marked the first of many failed attempts at making cakes, though Izaya can’t remember a single one of those that ended with him feeling like a failure. 

He’s pretty sure Shizuo is to thank for that particular detail otherwise he’d look back at all of that with embarrassment rather than warmth. 

Earlier today Shizuo had set out several different books in the kitchen and asked Izaya to pick something from them that he wanted to make with him. Izaya didn’t think anything of it but now that Shizuo is back from the store with bags of groceries strewn all over the kitchen he thinks this is going to be yet another attempt at baking together on a night when they’re not going to want to clean up afterward. 

“Shizu-chan, we’re going to make a mess again. You know this. Do you really want to wake up tomorrow grumpy and tired and have to clean up frosting off of the ceiling again?” 

Shizuo looks up from the box he’s been looking at and raises an eyebrow, “What are you talking about?” 

“Aren’t you planning on us making the cake I picked out earlier?” 

“No, that’ll be next time.” He holds up the box, “This is the one I wanted to make today. It’s easy and not too involved so it won’t take very long. You wanted to watch a movie later didn’t you?” 

“Well, yeah, but--”

“This’ll be quick and it’s still good practice for you.” 

Izaya crosses his arms, “I thought we were past box mixes.” 

Shizuo gives him an odd look before he sets the box down and leans his hip against the counter, “We can make the other one if you’re that insistent about it. Doesn’t bother me at all.” 

“That’s not what I meant.” 

“Then what do you want to do, ‘zaya. I can’t read your mind. I need you to tell me.” 

Rather than arguing with him like he’s tempted to, Izaya shakes his head and picks up one of the grocery bags so he can start putting everything away, “That one’s fine.” 

“Izaya--”

“Shizu-chan, please. It’s alright.” He smiles at him and watches his expression tighten in suspicion, “It makes sense and I really do want to watch that movie before it gets too late.” 

The issue is dropped quickly, Shizuo apparently catching on that it was mostly a matter of pride for Izaya and not that he was genuinely upset. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to upset him further. Regardless of his reasoning, it isn’t talked about anymore. 

They put away the groceries and make the cake in a comfortable silence only broken with almost unneeded instruction, and by the time everything is set up in the living room for the movie it’s far later than Izaya wanted to start it. 

Even Shizuo looks like he’s growing tired by about midway through. 

Izaya is determined to stay awake until just after midnight if not any later than that, but Shizuo doesn’t seem to mind nodding off against the couch cushions behind him. He can’t really hold it against him, though. Being so close to him and wrapped up under the blanket surrounded in warmth is making it hard to fight off sleep. The movie is holding his attention well enough, however, and by the time midnight strikes Izaya is no longer as tired. Seeing the clock counting down that last minute floods energy into his system. 

He turns to face Shizuo who remains still and peaceful, with one arm cushioning his head and the other draped over Izaya’s waist. His hair is tangled around his fingers and his mouth is open slightly, soft breathes almost inaudible even this close. 

Izaya thinks he’s beautiful. Especially like this, when all of the stress of daily life is wiped from his expression and all that’s left is the peace he craves so dearly. He’s such a soft and warm person at his core and Izaya cares so much for him it aches. 

Unobserved by Shizuo’s knowing gaze Izaya can let himself stare without concern for whatever expression is on his own face. 

Gingerly, he runs his fingers along Shizuo’s jaw and up to his temple, where he stops and presses his thumb against his cheekbone. He breathes a silent laugh at how the other leans closer to him and sighs. Shizuo has always responded to the barest of touches, apparently content with the touching itself and not caring where or how gentle it is. 

By now Izaya knows that he prefers things gentle and he loves him all the more for it. Sometimes their touches are rushed and harsh, but Shizuo always falls back to gentle and the longer they’re together and the closer they grow the easier it is to remain there. 

He lets himself smile at the thought and wonders what they’ll be like years from now. Keeping that in mind he leans in to kiss Shizuo’s cheek and brushes his hair out of his face. 

“Happy New Year, Shizuo.” He whispers softly. Shizuo mumbles something in his sleep and flexes his fingers against Izaya’s back in response. 

Izaya has a good feeling about this year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have much about this time frame in anything so far so I thought I'd add to that gap of time finally. Izaya isn't always really soft with Shizuo but I appreciate it here. It's easier to have it happen if Shizuo is asleep or not looking, it seems. Though that's not terribly surprising since he can do it in secret that way. 
> 
> This was supposed to be much earlier this month but here it is on the 22nd instead! I hope you're all doing well and that you had a good holiday.


	10. Ache

Izaya hopes this is one of the last times they’re going to have to be in this apartment. He likes Shizuo, a _lot_ , but his apartment is not the classiest of places. They’ve looked at several apartments together already, all that’s left is for them to agree on which one feels right for the two of them to move in to.

Shizuo has lived in this space for two years and Izaya has too for a large part of that, despite himself. He’s been here more than he’s been to his own apartment. He’s been here more than he’s gone to any of his classes. He likes it here, but there are some seriously noisy neighbors and the singular room just isn’t enough. Izaya plans to have a proper office space at the very least and that is completely impossible here.

They have more good memories here than he has bothered to count. Many of which had been shared in Shizuo’s bed or in the kitchen.

Both of them have busy evenings lately so they got here when it was already dark and most of the apartment complex was silent for once. And then it started raining, the droplets loudly pelting the window.

It had seemed like the perfect opportunity and atmosphere. Izaya wanted to have sex and Shizuo was very much in the mood to please him.

And it had started out that way, with Shizuo very carefully working him open and kissing him softly. Missionary is their default, but somewhere in the middle Izaya had started itching to move. He’d rolled until Shizuo was flat on his back looking dazed from the sudden movement and Izaya started bouncing harshly in his lap, making him look dazed for a completely different reason. He slowed his pace when Shizuo cupped his cheek and he leaned forward so he could kiss him properly.

He thinks they got a bit distracted by each other in that somehow because they’ve almost completely ceased their movements altogether. Shizuo is still inside him, Izaya periodically rolls his hips to keep interest up, but they’re not focused on having sex anymore.

“We need a proper bed, Shizu-chan.”

Shizuo is holding Izaya’s hand against his cheek and his eyes light up at the idea, “You mean like the one you have?”

Izaya shakes his head and pushes Shizuo’s hair back out of his face so he can see all of him, “No, that’s not big enough. I keep telling you we need more room to spread out.”

“I still don’t get why you think that. We sleep as close as we are now.” His eyelids flutter closed at Izaya’s not so subtle reminder that they do not sleep quite this close. When he opens his eyes again he looks vaguely amused and more than a little overheated, “Alright maybe not, but close enough. S’not like either of us sprawls out.”

“No, but I’d like to at least have that option. There isn’t enough room for us to try even if we wanted to.” Izaya breathes out roughly and places his palm on Shizuo’s chest for balance. He motions to either side of them, “We’d have more room to cool off after sex if we had a bigger bed. You always complain about how hot you are.”

Shizuo frowns, “But I like holding you.”

“That’s counterproductive.”

“I don’t care if it’s counterproductive. I want to do it.” Shizuo growls and Izaya can feel the vibration of it shoot up his spine. He closes his eyes and clenches his jaw for a moment to fight off the wave of heat coursing through his veins.

When he reopens his eyes Shizuo is sitting up on his elbows staring at him. The expression on his face makes the gold in his eyes light up. Suddenly Izaya’s legs feel like gelatine but he doesn’t move to relieve the pressure on them. “Shizu-chan doesn’t make any sense.”

“Don’t have to.” Shizuo counters and then, “We’ll need new sheets and blankets if we get a bigger bed.”

“That’s part of what’s so fun about this process. Getting to pick things.” Izaya leans forward and lowers his voice as he speaks into Shizuo’s ear. The movement makes Shizuo gasp and Izaya smiles against his skin, “ _Together_. I know you like doing things with me.”

Shizuo’s nails dig into his ass, “If you’d _let_ me.” he grits out and Izaya laughs.

“I’m letting you right now. We’re going to be living together, Shizuo. That’s plenty of opportunity for us to do things together. Domestic or otherwise.”

Shizuo brings his knees up a bit. Izaya’s eyes fall shut and he almost moans at him, dragging his nails down his chest in an attempt to seem displeased despite the way the rest of his body is responding. Somehow he doubts Shizuo believes him.

“I have a couple of ideas for things we can do.”

“Yeah?” he asks, “What might those be?”

“...Izaya, we can actually go grocery shopping together.” Shizuo sounds as if this is a revelation he’s just had. Izaya doesn’t understand why there’s reverence in his voice over something so simple. “I know we could before, but it’s different when it’s.” Shizuo stops talking abruptly and Izaya opens his eyes to stare at him in confusion. His face is bright red. Shizuo averts his eyes, “That’s just something I want to do is all.”

Izaya raises an eyebrow, “That’s the first thing what I said made you think of?”

There’s a barely grumbled, “No.”

“What was the first thing that came to mind then?”

“Nothing.”

Now he’s incredibly curious. Shizuo doesn’t get like this very often. If he pushes too hard he might make him angry. Which wouldn’t be such a bad thing considering their position right now. He certainly wouldn’t mind it if Shizuo decided to roll over and continue fucking him. But that doesn’t appear to be what he has in mind.

“Was it something romantic?”

Shizuo’s lips pull into a thin line, “Shut up.”

Izaya grins and leans down to tug at his bottom lip with his teeth. Shizuo stiffens when he rolls his hips and his mouth comes open just enough that Izaya can lick the roof of his mouth briefly. “I like when you’re romantic.”

“ _Shut up_.”

Izaya giggles under his breath and bites Shizuo’s jaw, “I’m not teasing you.”

“I don’t care, shut the fuck up.” Shizuo growls, tightening his grip on Izaya’s hips hard enough that he’s certain there will be bruises there for him to admire tomorrow.

“Were you going to say you’re excited to sleep with me in _our_ apartment?” Izaya murmurs, trailing kisses along the speeding pulse in his neck, “That you’re looking forward to kissing me when you get home from work?” he tries to pull his hips up so he can drop them but Shizuo doesn’t let him move so he tightens around him instead, grinning viciously when Shizuo lets out a muted groan, “Does picking out furniture with me satisfy your need for domesticity, Shizu-chan?”

“This is not--” Izaya bites his shoulder and Shizuo hisses in what could be discomfort but Izaya knows differently. He goes to do it again but Shizuo reaches up to pull his hair to keep him hovering above his skin, “This is not the time for you to be talking about shit like that.”

“Why? Afraid you’ll get hard looking at couches?”

“No, I’m just warning you that I’ll kick you out while I still have the chance if you keep talking about furniture with my dick in your ass.”

Izaya giggles and continues on despite the warning, “I think we should get a leather couch. They’re easier to clean and it won’t stain.” he wrinkles his nose at the lingering smell of cigarettes surrounding him, “And smoke won’t cling as easily to the material.”

Shizuo has his lips pressed together again. Izaya thinks he’s on the verge of laughter this time. He’s shaking very slightly like he does when he’s about to explode into anger, but his eyes have none of the usual signs of aggression. He doesn’t quite look happy either though.

When he finally responds Izaya isn’t expecting him to continue with the conversation, but Shizuo’s always been good at surprising him, “You’re probably thinking of black leather since the lighter stuff still might stain if someone spilled wine on it or somethin’.”

His voice is calm and level, and Izaya is confused by it. He sits there staring at him, wide-eyed as he continues.

“Actually, knowing what kinda job you have we probably need more than one couch, right? With all the yakuza you deal with they probably don’t all like to sit bunched up together.”

“Well. Yes, that is true. But there’s only one of the apartments we looked at with a space large enough for that.”

Shizuo shrugs, “Then we should get that one. It’s the most convenient for what you need and I’m pretty sure I liked the kitchen and bedroom. Don’t really see which of the others competes with that.”

“That’s…” Izaya blinks, “then...we have an apartment.”

Shizuo smiles at him. He looks very pleased with himself. “Just gotta sign the lease, right? It was really only a matter of picking between the options you had lined up. Not really that hard of a choice in my opinion. I know what you like and I’m pretty content with that.”

Izaya pushes off of Shizuo’s chest and sits up straight so he can properly stare at him in disbelief. The movement makes both of them hiss but after blinking the sparks from his vision he’s back to staring at Shizuo again. They’ve been looking at apartments for months. He can’t believe Shizuo just made the process that much easier by his reasoning with couches, of all things.

Shizuo leans up on his elbows and then pushes off the mattress so he can sit with Izaya fully in his lap, his fingers tangled in his hair while he smiles softly at him. Izaya searches his expression for anything abnormal, anything hesitant or unhappy, and he can’t find what he’s looking for. Shizuo has always been very sure of what he wants, this shouldn’t come as a surprise, but Izaya hasn’t ever had someone this willing to work with him or care about him or _love_ him.

He can feel the backs of his eyes burning with unshed tears and closes them to force the tears back. After a moment he feels Shizuo’s lips brush one eyelid and then the other.

Izaya winds his arms around Shizuo’s back and clings to him, ignoring the way his stomach feels pressed against him. Shizuo chuckles at what Izaya would consider an uncomfortable feeling. The precome must be smearing over his skin, but he’s never shown the slightest sign of disgust from it so he must not care. He just holds him gently and kisses the shell of his ear, and then his shoulder.

It takes a ridiculous amount of time to compose himself but once he has he pulls back and lets Shizuo kiss him sweetly before he makes eye contact. His eyes are warm and comforting, though he won’t tell him that. It’s very distracting. Izaya looks up at his hair and smoothes it away from his forehead while he speaks instead, “Did you already put in a request for a few days off for the move?”

Shizuo lets out a soft chuckle and when Izaya drops his gaze to his face his eyes are closed in appreciation for the way Izaya is running his fingers through his hair, “Yeah, I told my boss I’d need a few days soon and she was more than happy to give me the time. Pretty sure she thinks I have something special planned for an anniversary or something.”

“Do you?”

“Not till next year. Unless you’ve got a _second_ surprise anniversary date that you haven’t told me about.”

Izaya shakes his head even though he knows Shizuo can’t see it with his eyes closed as they are, “That was a one time occurrence only, Shizu-chan.”

The edge of Shizuo’s lips quirks upward into an almost smirk, “If you say so. I’ll believe you until you prove what a fool I am for doing that again.”

He kisses the space between Shizuo’s eyebrows and giggles at the way he squirms, “I’m so happy you think I’m worthy of your trust.”

Warm brown eyes shoot open at this. Shizuo brings one of his hands up to touch Izaya’s cheek. His expression is intense, almost angry. “You are worth of my trust. I don’t ever want you to think otherwise.” He narrows his eyes and Izaya knows what he’s thinking about. His thumb presses softly against his lips, “You’re everything to me.”

Izaya almost flinches. This admission isn’t the same as an ‘I love you’ but it shoots through him just as thoroughly as that phrase would. He isn’t deserving of such a thing and he knows it. Shizuo _must_ know that. He spent most of their time together in high school attacking him or sending others to do it for him. He’s done awful things--

Something warm and damp touches his forehead and it takes him a moment to realize it’s Shizuo’s lips. “A lot has happened since Raijin, Izaya.”

The hand still in Shizuo’s hair clenches into a fist and instead of flinching away he continues brushing his fingers along Izaya’s cheek. “A lot has happened since we met. We’re both different in our own ways. I’ve done awful things before. I’ve hurt the people I _cared_ about. I hurt _you_ \--” Izaya presses his fingers over his lips and Shizuo falls silent.

“You didn’t. Some bruises or a scrape on the knee is nothing.”

“Anger and scars from knife wounds are nothing new to me.” Shizuo insists and Izaya’s expression softens.

“You’re too good to me, Shizu-chan.”

Of all things, this makes Shizuo chuckle. “There’s a lot I could be doing better. Not making you cry for example.”

“I was not _crying_.” Izaya argues, “And it wouldn’t have been your fault even if I did.” Shizuo snorts and he half-heartedly glares at him for it.

“I want to do better. I want to _be_ better.” he shuts his eyes with a resigned sigh and lets his hand drop from Izaya’s face to hold onto his hip. Izaya shivers at the way his thumb strokes against his hipbone. “For you and I, for Kasuka and my parents.” he bites his bottom lip, “For the twins too. They look up to us and I want to be worthy of that kinda thing.”

When he blinks open his eyes to look at Izaya again he looks like he’s in pain, “I want to be strong enough never to hurt you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is all over the place because they decided to be emotional about the situation. I don't really blame them since getting an apartment together is a big deal but. I might come back to this at some point and add to it. Hopefully you like it anyway. 
> 
> I hope you're all doing well and that you're having a good day!


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